I Promise
by ristiki
Summary: Hermione had love Ron for years, but when she confessed her secret late one night to Fred Weasley, a friendship and support system budded between them and she eventually had a change of heart. A secret Fred had been keeping from her for months is what finally pushes her to realize what is truly important; for curleegiraffes. I don't own any HP characters. Rated for self-harm.
1. Chapter 1

"What should I do?" Hermione asked aloud, not knowing anyone else was in the common room so late at night. "About what?" Fred asked, a grin stretching across his face. She looked at him with disgust, not in the mood for his games. "Does the princess want me to leave her alone?" Fred asked, pretending to be taken aback by her glare. "_Yes._" she hissed. "That's not going to happen." Fred said with a laugh, crossing the room in a few strides, his long limbs floating him across the floor. He sat next to Hermione on the cushy sofa. In a more serious, yet light tone, he asked, "Really, Hermione, about what?" She jumped on the chance to talk about her inner doubt. She didn't have girlfriends to talk to and Harry didn't know a thing about girls and feeling, having been raised the way he was. She of course could not tell Ron anything.

"I've liked Ron for a while now and I don't know what to do! He is always with me, but something makes me feel so far away from him. I know he doesn't like me like that, he never looks at me the way that guys look at their girlfriends. It's like I am just another face, another face that happens to be his friend. What should I do?" Hermione rushed, stumbling over her own words, slumping into Fred's shoulder, which she was unaware of.

Fred tensed up and Hermione noticed what she'd said and done and who to. She picked up her head and hastily grabbed her face as she began to shake. "I can't believe I did that. I'm sorry, Fred. I'm just so tired of having to think about this all alone. Please don't tell anyone about tonight, not even George."

Fred sighed, draping his arm around Hermione, lightly holding her shoulder. She peeked through her fingers at him, a small, understanding smile creeping across his lips. She released her hands and began to quietly sob, Fred pulling her close into a hug. "It's okay, Hermione. I won't tell anyone. Not even George. Promise."

Fred felt his heart rate increase as Hermione hugged him and Hermione felt terrible for depending upon him, but he was the only one that knew. She felt like she had to keep him there a little longer, even if the whole thing was just an accident.


	2. Chapter 2

Hermione woke up and remembered what happened the night prior and sighed. She knew she was going to have to talk to Fred, at least say sorry for her outburst one more time. She proceeded to grab a scrap of parchment and begin to write a note to send to Fred.

_Fred-_

_We should talk about last night. I was out of line and I just want to make sure I didn't offend you.  
Again, please don't tell anyone what we talked about. This is a secret I've been trying to keep for  
years. Meet me for lunch in Hogsmeade. See you then._

_Hermione Granger_

"There, that should do it." Hermione said, sealing the envelope seamlessly. Even she had to admit, asking a guy to lunch, any guy, was nerve racking. Composing herself, she headed down the stairs from her dormitory, grabbing her bag along the way. "It's just Fred." She huffed to herself, assuring that she need not feel nervous.

The feeling faded as she sought out Fred, trying to sell his vast amount of Weasley products to a first year, the young wizard's eyes gleaming. "Don't buy any of it. It seems good now, but when you use them, you regret it, just a warning." She said, her lips pursed. The boy took another look at the package and looked to her, taking her advice and skipping off to his other first year friends.

Fred gave Hermione a sour look, "You just lost me a customer!" he said accusingly. "More like I saved Madame Pomfrey an unnecessary patient." She retorted, "That's not what I came to see you for, though; here." She said, thrusting the envelope at him and walking away quickly.

Before Fred could even ask what was in the envelope, Hermione was off. "How odd." He said to himself, setting down his goods to open the envelope.

"Embarrassed, was she?" he said, chuckling. He folded the note up and slid it into the inner pocket of his robes, returning to his business of sale, trying to reel in the young potential customer that Hermione scared away.


	3. Chapter 3

Fred entered the Hog's Head door, the bell chiming as he eyes scanned the place for Hermione. In the furthest booth, he saw her, book on hand sipping on a mug of frothing butterbeer. Fred strode over to the booth and slipped in the other side. Hermione was so immersed in her reading, she did not notice him at first.

Fred cleared his throat, giving her a fright. She dropped her book on the table, getting spilling some of her butterbeer upon it. "Fred, look what you made me do! This is Hogwarts: A History! Ugh!" she said in disgust. "Reparo!" Fred said, pointing his wand at the book, just as Hermione was pointing hers to do the same. Wands touching, Hermione felt a rush of heat wave through her body and she felt at ease once more.

"I would have done that, thank you very much!" Hermione chirped in annoyance. "I know." Fred said, chuckling. "Don't laugh at me!" she ordered, becoming red in the face. "You asked me here to apologize, didn't you?" Fred said, grinning. Hermione forgot the reason she had asked him to come to the Hog's Head. "Y-yes. Right." Hermione said, gripping her napkin nervously.

"Right." He said, his tone soft, "Hermione, you don't have to say sorry. You don't have to worry either, I am not going to tell anyone." Hermione didn't look convinced, more like an emotional wreck all over again. She rested her trembling hand upon the table and sighed brokenly. Fred reached out and took her hand.

"I won't say anything, on one condition." Fred said, a smile clicking into place. Hermione went to jerk her hand away from his, but Fred interlaced his finger with hers, holding her hand tightly in his. "What's the catch?" Hermione demanded, sounding angry to cover her surprise. Fred didn't mind her tone at all, the same tone he received from many people for his reckless behavior.

"You have to be my friend." Fred said. Hermione wasn't sure she heard him right. "Excuse me?" she said in confusion. Fred took her confusion as being repulsed by the thought and it hurt. Even though he didn't show it to anyone but George, he did get hurt by people's words, quite often in fact; anyone would know if they took a look at his arms.

He let go if her hand and looked away, "Never mind" he said quietly, his face cross. Hermione placed her delicate hand upon his and he looked to her, "I'll be you're friend. Of course I will, Fred. Why would I not? You're keeping my secret…" something told her that was not the only reason she was going to be his friend, to be close to him, but she shoved the inner call aside. "Just don't try to sell me anything of yours and George's." she said with a laugh.

Fred grinned from ear to ear, taking her hand in both of his. "Who knows, maybe one of these days you'll be in need of something I have to offer." He said allusively. Hermione looked confused, but before she had time to think, Fred laid a few galleons on the table and tugged her out of the booth, barely giving her warning enough for her to grab her book.


	4. Chapter 4

Fred and Hermione had been having many run-ins for a few months since she told him her secret. They usually went to the Hog's Head, but sometimes they'd sit out by the Black Lake. Fred would always be near, trying to lure young students to buy his merchandise while Hermione read, leaning into the tree that never seemed to be without shade when she sat beneath its leaves.

"Fred!" she called as he was trying to sell a short, blonde girl a 6-pack variety set. Fred tore his eyes away from the girl, looking over at Hermione. He noticed her brown eyes and began to remember all the time they had been spending together and how every smile she gave him kept him from all his secret sadness and he forgot completely about the girl he was trying to sell to.

With a huff and a set of small, certain stomps, the girl was gone. Hermione laughed to herself, staring at Fred. She remembered all the time she'd been spending with Fred, how he made her feel better about things Ron said when he wasn't thinking. She remembered how he had been keeping her secrets for months, being her closest friend.

She saw Harry and Ron walk by and felt her heart rate increase; Harry said a quick hello and Ron gave her a glance as he kept talking about Quidditch. Harry jumped back into the conversation and they forgot about her once more. Fred saw her face tear into sadness and he padded over the soft grass to her side. "Hey, don't worry about it. He's just excited about the first match; it's all he can think about, really. The only reason he talks to Harry is because he's just as into the game." Fred said, trying to sooth her. If it were a few months back, he wouldn't even know she was upset, but being around her so often made it obvious. She was breathing differently, her eyes slightly squinted, her mouth in a flat line, the telltale signs of her anger and sadness all the same.

Fred just wanted her to feel better. He knew she had wanted to often tell his brother how she felt about him, but she couldn't muster the confidence. When she did, he would always say something before she ever got the chance that would either cause her to storm away in tears or yell at him in anger and wallow by herself.

Hermione sighed, "It's okay. I know he's distracted. He just never talks to me anymore and.. and it's hard. Why aren't you excited like him?" she asked. "Unlike my twat brother, I can focus on more than one thing at a time. I am excited, but I have sales to increase and" Fred said, brushing a stray lock of hair from her forehead, " a best friend to keep happy." Hermione smiled and leaned back on the tree, getting lost in her book once more.

Fred was left next to her, thinking.

_I wonder if she knows how much I love her?_

He thought, but he knew she didn't. Sometimes it hurt to know she didn't see him the way he saw her. Sometimes, he would take out the knife and make himself feel a little better after a day of being with her, being happy to keep her hopes up, but overall guilty that he lied to her about how he felt day by day, didn't tell her his deepest secret, and didn't make her happy in all of his efforts.

The blade worked extra hard that night when he retired, hiding beneath his covers. He learned to remain silent as he bled, keeping his dorm-mates from hearing his pain. He did more damage that night because he felt so much more like it was the right time to tell her the truth. As he cast away the blood from the bed makings and wrapped his wounds, he noticed he was not as satisfied as he usually was after a session of this type of relief.

In fact, it was the day before the match and he usually felt jumpy with happiness, but he was just on the verge of tears, afraid he couldn't keep pretending to be strong when Hermione was coaxing his weakness and vulnerability from his inner being.

With tears on his cheeks and throbbing in his arm, Fred fell into a light slumber, attempting to think of a way he could try and make the pain vanish, but nothing new came to mind, only telling her the truth could heal him; that was something he couldn't do. Not in the state she was in.


	5. Chapter 5

Gryffindor won! Yes, it was quite exciting; having Ron done so well in the game, but Hermione couldn't even get to him to congratulate him, not through the crowd that had gathered around him. There was a sudden quiet and renewed noise in the form of cat-calling.

When Hermione finally made her way through the crowd, she saw the source of their newfound noise; right before her eyes were Ron and Lavender kissing. Before her eyes, the horror increased as the two began to snog. Hermione sniffed and right as she turned on her toes, she caught Fred's eye. "Hermione!" Fred called, but Hermione had already sprinted from the Gryffindor Common Room.

After running behind her for about three minutes, Fred finally heard her signature sobbing around a corridor outside. Fred approached her slowly, unsure of what her reaction to company would be. He sat near her and her sobbing became more intense. It was at times like these Fred wish he had the ability to cut mentally and bleed without notice to ease his emotional strain.

"Hermione…" Fred sighed. Hermione looked to Fred, her eyes glistening in the soft light. Her lip was trembling and she looked so… broken. "Oh, Fred!" she sobbed, falling into him. He securely wrapped his arms around her and she shook silently.

After a few minutes, she leaned upward once more, still trembling. She was cold, shivering in the cool night air. "Do you want to go inside? You look freezing." Hermione shook her head, "Ron's inside, snogging Lavender, I'll bet. Can we stay outside?" Hermione asked. "Yeah, that's fine, whatever you need." Fred sighed. Hermione slipped her hands into the armholes of Fred's robes to get warm, feeling cloth bandages upon his arms.

"W-what's this, Fred?" Hermione asked, her voice hallow. Fred froze.

_Oh no, she can feel the bandages._

"Fred!?" Hermione said in a panicked tone, pushing his sleeves back. She revealed two sets of tightly wrapped cloth bandages wrapping all the way down his forearms. "What happened?" She shrieked. Fred shook his sleeves back down, "Shhhhh, Hermione. It's okay. I'm okay…" Fred said, attempting to calm her down. Hermione looked into his eyes. "How long?" she asked, her voice barely a whisper as she pressed his sleeves back once more.

"Since I was eleven. It's only been this bad this year." Fred said, his voice shaken. "Hermione, please don't." but Hermione couldn't hear him anymore. Blood was pounding through her ears as fresh tears fell from her eyes. Fred had been hurting himself and she didn't even know. He'd been broken and she was too worried about her and Ron to even care. She'd been angry at him and accused him for things, not even considering how he dealt with it and everything else. As the tears stung her cheeks, she screamed in her head that she was the worst friend a person could have.

"Hermione…" Fred sighed once more, feeling horrid for not telling her sooner. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you before. I didn't want you to know. I didn't want you to think I was weak. All I have wanted is to be a pillar for you to lean on. That's all… but I can't. I haven't been honest…" Fred said, feeling her tears leak through the bandages.

"I have been doing worse this year because I know I am not being everything I could be for you. I just wish I could do better and I punish myself for not being everything for you, Hermione. I'm so sorry."


	6. Chapter 6

"Fred… you've been doing this because of me?" Hermione said, her voice cracking. Fred instantly regretted telling her the reason for his increased self-harm. The pain in her voice felt like a knife in his chest, pounding over and over, or was that his pulse? "That's not what I meant… Well, yeah. Yes. I've been doing this because I feel I've been doing things wrong for you. I feel like if you're not happy, I shouldn't be. I'm not happy, Hermione. I do this to shield out the emotional sting. Physical is much easier to deal with and it overlays the inner hurt, regrets I have." Fred admitted.

Hermione felt his words like an icy sting. She breathed heavily, trying to stop herself from sobbing, but couldn't. She remembered all of the nights and days spent with him, smiling and crying and telling him everything while he hid everything to protect her. She felt as though she owed him everything. He was the best person she had ever met, even with his flaws, and the closest friend she had.

Then it clicked, "Fred, I know this isn't the time to say it, but I-I… I" she tried to tell him, but the words wouldn't leave her lips. Fred hugged her close and she pushed him away, looking away. Fred felt the pain of a white-hot iron against his heart.

_I broke her._

He thought. "Hermione, please. Oh God what have I done…" he muttered, tears brimming in his eyes. Fred looked at the cool stone at his feet and began to shake in anger at himself.

_Dammit I'm losing her. _

He thought, tears falling freely from his eyes. "No, Fred! It's different! I love you!" Hermione rushed, trying to make his pain stop. Fred froze and his heart stopped for a moment, getting its beat back seconds later. His skin went cold. "Don't say that, you don't mean it." Fred said, his voice icy against Hermione's skin. Hermione felt hurt, but knew he was trying to protect himself.

She took his hand and slowly rose her hands across his arms, past his shoulders to his neck, letting her hands linger there, feeling his rapid pulse. "Please. Stop." Fred choked out, tears evident in his voice. Hermione couldn't let him run away from her to a knife, she couldn't let him hurt anymore.

Neither of them expected it when Hermione kissed Fred. She took his face between her palms and met him halfway in a lingering kiss. Both of their faces were wet with tears and she held him in the kiss for a few seconds. Letting go, she looked into his hazel eyes, trying to force him to understand her new revelation.

It finally clicked and Fred crashed his lips upon hers. He brought his arms around her waist and slid her closer on the smooth stone step. As she wrapped her arms around his neck, Fred slipped his tongue into her mouth. Hermione froze for a moment and then kissed him back eagerly. They kissed for what seemed like an eternity, Hermione's fingers knotted in his short, red hair.

When they finally broke apart for air, Hermione smiled in a different way than Fred had ever seen. "I love you." She whispered, leaning into his side. Her face fell and Fred's stomach plummeted with it. "Please, don't hurt yourself anymore. Just be…happy. It's my turn to help you. I'll get you through this. Let me save you this time." Hermione took his hand and laced her fingers through his.

Fred smiled and sighed. "You can do whatever you want. I'll be here and I'll try my best to get better. I promise."

The minute he promised was the minute he stopped all of the pain from coming little by little. In that moment, his life took a turn for the better and Hermione was with him every step of the way, no longer heartbroken over Ron, but wholeheartedly giving everything she had to saving the one she loved.

_**Fin.**_


End file.
